boner

First off, i have to apolgise to Andy Finlayson. We were meant to do something for FunnyBone. I didn't want him to waste his time if the script was too risque. Well i never heard anything back, so i assumed they were so ce la vie

I did two scripts, forgive the formatting.

Operation Tug#2 Page 1 Panel one Standing Outside a hospital room a doctor and parents (mum and dad) are talking. The doctor is facing the father more so than the mother. There's a windown in the door, looking into the patient's room. Mother and father look a tad stressed. Doctor - Since Nathan starts Chemo tomorrow, we need to talk about- Father - Yes Panel 2 The doctor stares at the father, a bit put off that he's been interrupted Panel 3 The doctor now faces the mother Doctor - hmm, this is a difficult topic to broach Mum - what is it? Panel 4 The doctor stares at the mother, a bit more put off that he's been interrupted Panel 5 Doctor - The radiation is going to affect his sperm count and in circumsatnces such as these it's felt advisiable that a sample be taken so if nathan wants children in the future he and his partner will be able to concieve. Mum - Does this mean another operation to take a sample? Panel 6 Doctor - Well there is an operation, but it's highly evasive and expensive. Doctor - There is nature's way. Or Ways, we can have a nurse insert a PAGE 2 Panel 1 This is seen through the window of Nathan's door, from Nathan's POV. He can see his father and the doctor. The doctor is sticking the finger of his right hand into a circle made of his forefinger and thumb of his left hand. Panel 2 The mother is aghast, hand to her mouth. The father is in the panel as well. Doctor - the stimulation produces a sample Mother - Oh dear! Father - No, no, no Panel 3 Doctor - then there is the old fashioned way Doctor - if you like, i can discuss the matter with him Panel 4 Father - no, no Father - should we call Father O'Legan? Panel 5 Mother - I'd like to think that priests know very little about teens and Mother - you know Panel 6 The mother puts her hand to her mouth like she's whispering Mother - mas Mother - tur Mother - bation Page 3 Panel 1 A panel where the doctor and father just stare at the mother, in a bit of disbelief. Panel 2 The doctor and father start laughing and the stupidity of the mother's comment Mother - well Mother - in a perfect world Panel 3 The father takes the specimen jar from the doctor Doctor - well i suggest you don't ask the nurses to help Father - No, this is something I should do Father - Take this in my own hands Father - You know what i mean Panel 4 The father marches into the son's room, very determined. Nathan is about 12 years old, he looks sickish but happy to see his dad. Son - Nathan, son Panel 5 The two shake hands Father - mmm Father - good grip, you'll need that Panel 6 The father passes the specimen jar to his son Father - Do your mother a favour and fill this up. Father - Just don't think about your mother otherwise cancer will be the least of your problems when you grow up.

Forgive the formatting and shit final punchline. i didn't bother with camera shots or angles or any of that shit. Artists are visual people and Andy is smart, capable artist.

I prefer the second version, to a degree

Operation Tug#1 Panel 1 Dad, doctor and mother outside patients room. The dad is entering the room, quite determined. Mother is looking concerned. Dad - No, no, no, this is something a father should speak to his son about. Panel 2 Dad is walking into room, his son is in bed. He's about 12. Dad - Chemo starts tomorrow, how you feeling? Son - i dunno, alright Panel 3 The two handshake Dad - Good firm grip you got there son Dad - You'll need that. Panel 4 The dad is sitting on the bed, the son is sitting up. Dad - Son, tommorow the radiation is going to do something to your body, its going to affect you, well um Dad - Hmm Panel 5 Another view of Panel 4 Dad - Ok, Son, you know how i told you about the birds and the bees, well sometimes you don't need a bee Dad - Bees can do it by themselves. Without a bird. Birds can do it by themself but its a bit more complicated. i think, or is that for bees, i'm never sure which is which, but, hmmmm Panel 6 Another view of panel 4 Dad - Brass tacks son. Your mother wants grandchildren one day and we need a, well a sample. Son - Blood sample? Dad - No, son PAGE 2 Panel 1 Dad - I went to on the internet to look up some info on teens and mastu... Dad - Well let's just say that I had alot of explaining to do to the IT Manager Panel 2 Dad - Have you ever Dad - oh god Dad - pleasured yourself? Son - Like eating biscuits without mum knowing? Panel 3 Dad - Is that what they call it these days? Dad - So you've Dad - you know Panel 4 The dad makes a wanking gesture Panel 5 The son looks confused. Son - Play monopoly? Dad - Yes! Wait, no i'm not shaking dice Panel 6 Dad - Son, we need you to flog the old fellow Son - But i like ganddad Dad - No, you have to spill your seed PAGE 3 Panel 1 The son looks shocked Son - But we're catholic! Dad - Your mother wants grandchildren in the future, so don't worry about God Panel 2 Dad - Do you want me to get Father Michael? Son - I'm not going to do THAT! in front of Father Michael! Panel 3 Dad - No, no, no Dad - Look, here's a little bottle. Son - But, um , but errr Panel 4 Mum is listening through the door, she wants to go inside the room Dad (of panel) - It's ok son, I'll leave the room Panel 4 Back in the room, the father is up Son - But dad, I can't Dad - Its alright, its natural, I'll be back in a minute Panel 5 The mum storms into the room, freaking out the son Mum - For the sake of my happiness, fill this up so i can have grandkids Panel 6 Son - But I just had a wank 20 minutes ago

I like the idea of the jokes in this one; surfing the web for teen masturbation at work, the handshake joke, the final punchline but everything around it is too clumsy. A couple of jokes a duplicated in both but that's because I'm not that clever to think of new jokes.

I should have just stuck with Edward Fingerhands