Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Star Wars: Revenge of the shit

Saw this only a couple weeks back and it was shit. Not as shit as the the last one (i'm refering to the release date of the films not their story chronology) but more shit that the star wars, empire, jedi and phantom. Star Wars became shit for me when i saw the reissues at the cinema, i realised that the acting was shit, the dialogue was shit and the direction was bland shit.

The reason that attack of the clones and revenge of the sith are so shit is because they are overly complicated for their own good.
The plotline of Star Wars was "lets get from here to there, whoop now we have to escape the evil space castle and finally lets go blow evil space castle up!". Empire was even simpler; "lets get out of here, oh no we're captured! oh wow the evil dude is your dad". Return was "lets get you out of here and blow up the evil space castle and hey your dad wasn't a bad bloke in the end"

Phantom Menace, i didn't mind, for a kids film its quite enjoyable. I have the same disdain for JarJarBinks as I do Oompahloompahs, ie none at all. But as soon as Lucas tries to establish a complex plot - the whole thing turns to shit. I realise that i'm not the smartest man but i have no idea what the hell is going in the last 2 films. Why is Palpatine building a clone army to destroy his allies, the Trade Federation? To create a situation so he'd become Emperor? He's smart enough to get a woman pregnant with his mind, a woman who will bear the greatest jedi ever and become apart of events which will see him become a jedi, I'd think he could take some action which wouldn't see his allies killed.

God i feel stupider by the word.

Adding to the stupyfing aspect of it all; the initial trilogy had an exciting pace, Lucas obviously drew from the serials of the 30s and 40s, where there was some danger every 10 minutes that the heroes would have to get out of- cliffhangers. Star Wars had the same thing, a little cliff hanger spaced every 10 minutes or so. The best or genius thing was that the cliff hangers kept the movie going. Revenge of the Sith, especially the first 30 minutes has cliffhanger after cliff hanger that don't move the plot what so ever(i'm sure there's a better word for it but see my previous paragrph, i'm stupid now).

We're in a space battle!
Robot's are eating my ship!
I'll save you - now i'm in trouble!
I'm doomed!
I'm saved!
There's droids!
Driods are gone!
The lift's not working, hurry before something happens
The lift is working!
More droids!
Stop the lift from working!
Oi robot lets fight!
Let's get out of here!
The lift not working, hurry before something happens
The lift is working!
More droids!
Stop the lift from working!
Lets go back to where we were!
We are going to blow!
Whew, landed!

Plus with Industriual Light and Magics digital jizz flying at your face every 2 seconds covering the whole screen, its all a bit too much for this old fart.

In essence; Revenge of the Shit; not the shittest film in the series but the second shittest. The acting is shittest out of all the movies. The effects aren't shit but at times there so much of digital shit it shits you off. The dialogue is shit and stilted. The action scenes are the least shitty thing in the film and the best of its type in the whole series.

In the end, as i've said before, it took 6 films for darth to restore order to the force by throwing the evil prick into a well to save his son. Thats a bit shit.


Tonia said...

Y'know I should be older and wiser enough for "Star Wars" and the new movies not to be such a button-pusher for me - but they are - I'm not going to start ranting about how George Lucas violated cherished memories of my youth, so here's a cartoon instead (you'll have to cut and paste)

Mark Selan said...

i don't get it either. I'd like to think I'm a rational guy but there's something about the shitness of the star wars films which makes me rant something fierce. I think its either because people swear the films are the best thing ever or i can't understand how a creator like George Lucas completely forget what made his original films so great (while still having massive flaws).

Anonymous said...

so THAT'S what Sith is an anagram for.


Nate said...

I think the problem is that Lucas is independant of 20th Century where as the original trilogy was distributed by 20th Century.

There's no one who would say, "that's a shit idea." today. Lucas is probably surrounded by yes-men.

I think the best of the prequel stuff was the Clone Wars cartoon, simply because Lucas just exercised his right to say yes or no.