Dick waving and pissing in the wind and my need for symmetry

Friday 13th
Friday before last was awful, my head was killing me and all i wanted to do was go home.
But Emma was having work drinks in a city pub. She said she'd leave early so i wanderred around town, slowly, and grabbed greasy fast food, because greasy fast food always makes me feel better.

Dickwaving incident #1
Two groups of kids starting trying to impress each other, with various acts of bravado. Adelaide is really lucky to have had a large wave of African immigrants settling down in the past couple of years. But i wonder why, having coming from a great culture (watching the adults walk around town, always in bright immaculate clothes is very cool) the teens all have to dress like they are in a Puff Daddy film clip. So boring -(says the man that spent his late teen years in flannel shirts and ripped jeans).
Thankfully, nonecked security scuttled the 'Beat it 2005' film clip scenario

Dickwaving incident #2
The last one was more metaphorical.
From Hungry Jacks it was on to a local pub where i could quietly have a beer. All good. The men's dunny in this fine establishment is small - tiny small. The urinal and basin are right next to each other. I was, making mum proud, washing my hands when next to a piss pan patron went to shake off. but not shake shake zip, but he wagged it like a metronome. Dutifully, to the code, i looked away for awhile but had to look down to turn off the water. and it was still going, like the appendage on newton's balls. I dried my hands, and left. He's probably still there.

Dickwaving incident #3
I mingled with Emma's workfriends as best i could, it was a private fiunction with free booze. but Emma was already sloshed so it was Driver Mark drinking sensibly for the rest of the night. 30 minutes, strectched to 60 minutes, stretched to private room is closed to everyone downstairs with the rest of the punters. This particular pub was having a 70/80s night and was full of business men types looking for loose women; so pretty much like most pubs. I sat solo outside and meditated over a beer while inside Emma and co danced inside to Choir Boys and Jimmy Barnes and Queen and yes they were all drunk.
Around 11, lawyers stumbled out got up on the table i was sitting at and started to strip tease; tie - off, shirts - unbuttoned, belt - unbuckled, pants - pulled down. Of course he chickened out when he got down to his undies.
but not his mates who then decided to whip the wangs out and given them a good shake at the ladies gathered outside.
There's always one friend who just loves whipping it out. Dirty Cole, used to smack it on the bar, dangle it it your jacket pockets and rest it on his wrist and ask your opion on his new watch. Its weird, then funny, then weird again, then kind of lame.
The limp dick laywer's mates sat down and i chatted with one, who i kept calling Craig, instead of Phillip (i had met a craig earlier in the night and reached my quota of new names).

Friday 20th
Pissing in the wind incident #1
I'm supposed to meet Emma at the food markets to by produce for dinner. She isn't in the spot and has no mobile phone. This means i stand outside the bong shop waiting for her (its a convenient spot).

Pissing in the wind incident #2
After doing the groceries we rushed to the car so we didn't have to pay for an extra hour of parking. Car don't start. car battery is dead. Roadside assistance will be an hour. Emma, on my csase due to bad diction keeps saying "Not baddery, baTTery", "I'm Saying battery!" "No you are saying baddery, with a D" "fine from no on, its a Barry, no ts no Ds".
(as an aside i hate dealing with Roadside Assistance, not the people but i feel its a blow to my already precarious masculinity that i need someone to help me with a car. I can do all manner of building exercises from installing ducted air conditioning to tiling, welding to replacing a washer, i learnt how to handle various hand guns and rifles, i can throw a punch but when it comes to car; i can break into them and drive them and agree with whatever the mechanic tells me - "the quarter valve oil injector has burnt out? of course! why didn't i think of that!")
2 hours later bang, vroom, vamoose

Pissing in the wind incident #3
um, i had to wait, like 5 minutes for a drink of coke at dinner.